You’re heart broken, now what?
It happened to almost everyone- a breakup that’s seemingly inpossible to recover from. Whether you’ve been together for two months or ten years too long, there’s a post relationship limbo you need to survive in order to get on with your life.
The constant questioning ” WHY? WHY? WHY?
The very hour, on the hour sobfest until your tear ducts are dry
the urge to call him at three in the morning
the urge to call him and say nothing just ti hear his voice….. SOB!
The depression diet that you don’t want to eat anything, and what’s worse, all you can eat is icecream!
The urge to call him names
The zero energy days.
the absolute loss of self esteem when you begin to think that he stopped loving you / cheated on you / change his mind about being with you because you put on some weight / acquired wrinkles / lost your sense of humor / are ugly.
Now here are some ways to heal that Heart
- Distraction, distraction, distraction!
That’s right, distract yourself as much as possible. Out of sight, out of mind, inner plight, fill your time! Make yourself busy so that you can’t focus on your loss. Just make sure you busy yourself with productive activities like exercise, friend-time and focusing on school or work. Don’t get self destructive and at all costs avoid excess of any kind.
- Cry it out as much as needed.
This is no time to put on a brave face. Your heart is broken, you’re wrought with disappointment and loss, it’s A-O-K to cry a lot. Just make sure that you cry in a private place, no PDAs (Public Displays of Affliction) and if you can’t handle being alone only cry in the company of someone close to you whom you know you can trust.
Put on your favorite song, something upbeat or even angry in tone, no sappy love songs allowed! Make sure it has a good beat and a sound that gets you moving. Then get up off your sad butt and dance around. Be silly, be funky, sing along at the top of your lungs, have fun with it. It sounds crazy, and it will look crazy to other people, but getting your real heart beating this way will do wonders for your proverbial broken one.
- Talk about your feelings with a friend… for a time.
Talking is an excellent way to cleanse your soul and ease your mind. Pick a close and trusted friend and ask them in advance to listen to you vent whenever needed. Warn them that they may get sick of listening to you say the same things over and over but that you really need their help. A good friend will be there for you. Then set a mental deadline in your head, 2-3 weeks is a good one but when coping with the loss of a more serious or long term relationship you may require a bit more time, and once you’ve reached that deadline cease and desist all talk of the matter.
- Visualize your future, block out the past.
You need to stop living in the past and focus on the future. People who are dealing with a break up tend to play over past events in their head ad nauseum. This behavior is normal and healthy in the early days of a break up but it can quickly become a dangerous and defeatist coping strategy. So after the first couple of days have passed you need to forget the past, good and bad, and look to the future. Think about all the positive ways your life will change; more time for friends, pursuing old hobbies that had been put aside or taking up new ones, and having more you time are all good focal points. When you think of your future do not think of anything that has happened as a loss but try to view it as an opportunity for change. You don’t need to bury your past forever, just for now, and when you can think of the past and smile you’ll know that you’re well on your way to being healed.